Oz is an odd place. It has certain uniqueness’ about it that makes it stand out in the world. It also has certain Universals that seem to show up everywhere. For example, one of the scientific constants, The “Law of Human Hydraulics” states that the frequency and duration of stoplights is directly proportional to the degree with which you need to pee. The first corollary is that the urgency of your need to pee is inversely proportional to restroom availability. Simply stated, the worse you gotta go, the further away and the less likelihood there is to be a restroom. Now, what, you might ask, does this have to do with Oz. Everything!

The Ozaliths have a problem with toiletry. Actually, about fifty years ago, some poor schlep was stuck with a load of restroom signs that nobody wanted. Said poor schlep got the bright idea to load them on a ship and bring them to Australia. He managed to sell them all to the first bright Ozalith he saw. The Ozalith, sensing a grand opportunity, ran around selling the restroom signs, which soon became the rage. Everybody wanted one. Of course they had absolutely no idea what a restroom was or what one is supposed to do if he found himself locked inside. The local inhabitants ran around nailing up their “restroom” signs everywhere. And, I can prove this.

In the next town over, Chatswood, there is a huge shopping mall. It’s so large that it needs three food courts, and a bevy of scattered food carousels. They sell everything from Italian haute cuisine to baked potatoes and pretzels. The Mall has about 793 restroom signs, all with arrows. Yesterday I was in the mall when that certain sense of urgency struck. I had to go. Then I really had to go. Finally, I had to go right now.

I started following the restroom signs. These are very nice signs that say “restrooms” with arrows pointing in different directions. Up, Down, Left and Right. covering all 8 points of the compass. I followed the first sign to the next. Up. . .Right. . .Down. . .Left. . .Right. . .Down. . .Up. . .Up. . .and back where I started. No restroom anywhere. Just signs. After madly racing round the mall, at an ever quickening pace I saw another sign. Left. . .down a hall then Up. . .the escalator. Then Right, down another hall then left to another escalator and then right. . .into a solid wall. At this point it is no longer a game, a race, or even a challenge. It’s more like an Olympic race horse on lasix need.

In Oz, drinks come in various sizes ranging from small children’s to the Ultra Super Large Family of Man Size. Finally out of sheer desperation and the sudden realization that I was beginning to leak, I stepped behind the escalator into a small hidden alcove, emptied my Ultra Super Large cup and, with some fumbling around, manage refill my cup. Then I head to the nearest waste disposal can.

In my little suburb, Lane Cove, there is one, very neatly hidden public restroom. To get there you need to go to the front of the large Supermarket, go down the winding staircase into the underground mini-mall and then down a dark hall towards the underground parking lot. About two steps before you get hit by an oncoming car down a blind alley there is a very small, barely noticeable sign that says “disabled toilet” with a smaller arrow pointing left down yet another hall to where the supermarket hides it’s trashbarrels. Just before the garbage cans, there is a plain white door with a green and red occupied/available sign and a tiny knob smaller than the average shirt button. Hidden behind that door is the disabled toilet. Once inside, the knob becomes the lock. Of course the latch and the latchplate are misaligned so the lock doesn’t work. But then what can one reasonably expect from a “disabled toilet”.

One thing about public toilets in Oz. They are clean. Hospital clean. Is this a conscious national effort? Probably not. It’s just that nobody can find them. Perhaps this also explains why the trash cans are filled with large empty cups. Nobody can possibly drink that much but they do make handy portable personal potties.

Now I gotta pee, which raises the next Universal law. The law of women’s inability to tell time. How is it that “I’ll just be a minute” can take up to two hours.

Gee Are

For the Weekly World Whacko.

Well here I am, at last, confused in Oz.  It’s not all bad though.  Sydney is a candy store and I’m the new kid in town.  I had no idea how much I missed a real sandwich, a movie with popcorn, a cheap cup of coffee, or a steak with a baked potato and a salad, served in
the proper order.A few things will take some getting used to.  Besides cheap coffee and expensive smokes,  there is the novel idea getting a suit cleaned and having it returned on a hangar rather than being stuffed into a small plastic bag so that it looks like it was slept in on a park bench.  Finding shoes that fit on the first asking is a unique experience that I have not enjoyed in a good long while.

Things are going well other than the fact that there is a national policy to separate me from my money, which our Ozalithic cousins are accomplishing at an amazingly fast rate.

Not only is Oz upside down but it’s backwards as well. Water runs counterclockwise down( actually up) the drain,  Christmas is in the hottest of the Summer and they drive on the wrong side of the street.

My biggest problem, to date, has been looking the wrong way when I cross the street.  So far I’ve been nearly run over, and yelled at with vehemence, by a cop, a bus driver, two trucks and a Pakistani taxi driver.  Today I think I’ll try for a rich old lady with a drinking problem in a 4WD Land Rover.  With any luck we can make enough contact for minor injuries and a major lawsuit.

So far there has been one major disappointment.  Sad really.  Am I the only person in Oz that owns a genuine Akubra hat?  After two weeks, I have seen exactly zero hats, Akubra or otherwise.  (Of course that doesn’t include the Sikhs with their turbans, which really doesn’t count anyway.)  The one minor disappointment was going to Paddy’s Market looking for a bit o’ the auld sod and finding the best Chinese night market since Jinzhou, (hours from 9-to-5 with prices slightly higher)

These, of course are not the only ones.  The Sydney Opera House, which looks so cool in the photographs, is really small and rather dingy looking during the daytime and the “famous” Sydney Bridge is a common railroad bridge with a roadway.  I’ve seen bigger bridges crossing dry river beds in Texas.  On the other hand, it is the only real bridge in Sydney so they have to do something with it besides running back and forth.

Sydney is an old town, not much different that Davenport Iowa.  Very few modern buildings on the Skyline.  Most were built during the Colonial period and have been kept up rather nicely.  It’s a comfortable town, relatively easy to get around and to get lost.  But even in the last case, there are plenty of helpful folks who will gladly steer us in the right direction.

I’ve rented an apartment which was an interesting experience.  They charge rent by the week, collect the rent every two weeks, and bill every month.  That way you are always late and they can collect a penalty. Also, it’s legal to advertise an apartment at one rate and charge a higher rate than advertised.  Bait and switch seems common in the Oz rental market.  All the realtor has to do is claim that it was a listing mistake. The locals seem to hold real estate brokers in the same regard Americans hold lawyers.  Until I arrived here, I never knew that the word “realtor” could be made to sound disparaging but somehow that ability has crept into Ozlish.  They say “realtor” with the same pungent effect as one who is attempting to describe the smell of an old outhouse after sitting in there for an hour.

But there is a bright side that reminds me somewhat of my students and the TEFLChina life ist.  A flock of small brightly colored parrots live in a tree right outside my kitchen window.  As a group they spend most of their time squawking and pooping all over everything.  When the magpies show up it’s a real squawkfest.  Nothing ever gets resolved but everybody feels better for having squawked about it.

Well, I must close for now.  I want to get closed before the Ozalids.  They are strictly a 9-to-5 culture after which everybody closes up and goes home. Rush hour lasts 30 minutes and happy hour goes from 5-to-10.  Don’t want to miss that either.  Need to be careful here.  It’s very easy to trip, jump up and hit your face on the bottom of the Earth.  From here, everything really is up.  Even airplanes have to gain altitude to land.

Stay safe. George

© George Rosecrans 2004

SHENZHEN Subway System
Shenzhen is a new city situated just next to Hong Kong. Construction of phase 1 of Shenzhen Subway began in 2001. The mainly underground network includes 21.5 km and 20 stations:

Line 1 runs from east to west and Line 4 from north to south. Both lines were opened in Dec. 2004. At Huanggang (not yet finished), an air-conditioned foot-bridge will link the network to the future KCR (Kowloon-Canton-Railway) station at Lok Ma Chau.

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Taxicabs

Taxis are easy to hail from the street. Charges start from 12.50 Yuan for the first 3 km and 2.4 Yuan for each additional mile. Fares are higher during late evening hours.

If a customer finds the taxi driver is charging unfair fares, he or she can report it to or file a complaint with the Municipal Small Vehicle Administration (phone: 5583973).

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Shenzhen enjoys convenient transport routes with good air, rail and road links to most major Chinese cities. Hong Kong is also very accessible and less than a one-hour train trip.

By plane:
76 domestic flight routes and 5 international routes operate in and out of Shenzhen International Airport (telephone 27772000£¬99788) which is one of China’s busiest airports. There are daily flights to Beijing, Shanghai, Xi’an and many other destinations throughout China although it is often cheaper to fly to Guangzhou. International flights go to Singapore, Bangkok and Jakarta and various other destinations. Tickets can be bought from most of the major hotels. The air ticket office for CAAC is on Shennan Rd and the office for China Eastern is on West Hongli Rd.

The airport is located 32 km west of the city and a shuttle bus operates between here and East Shennan Rd in the city centre. Shenzhen taxi drivers are notorious for trying to rip their passengers off so make sure your driver uses the meter!

By train:
Shenzhen lies at the intersection of the rail routes between Beijing-Kowloon, Beijing-Guangzhou and Guangzhou-Kowloon and trains to Guangzhou operate frequently. The queues at the station are very long, and it is best to get your ticket through a hotel if possible. The rail line (the KCR) to Hong Kong is also extremely convenient. The train station is right on the Hong Kong Border on Jianshe Rd. Its a massive and sprawling place so make sure you follow the signs (in English) correctly to reach your required platform.

By road:
An expressway runs through Shenzhen to Guangzhou and also to Shantou in the west. There are buses connecting Shenzhen with Guangzhou regularly and the trip takes about two hours. There are also long distance buses to Shantou and Chaouzhou. The long distance bus station is next to the train station and the bus station for Guangzhou is to the east of the railway station. The bus trip from Shenzhen to Hong Kong takes about 1 1/2 hours and buses leave throughout the day (telephone 82321670). These buses leave from next to the Shangri-la Hotel.

By boat:
There are regular scheduled passenger liners from Shenzhen to Zhuhai, Guangzhou, Haikou, Macau, Hong Kong and Kowloon. The Shekou port (26695601-domestic, 26691213-Hong Kong and Macau) can be reached by bus from the railway station, but we recommend taxi, and there is also a regular bus from the airport to Shekou.

City transport:
Shenzhen’s urban transportation consists of buses, mini-buses, taxis and luxurious double-decker sightseeing buses. The bus routes are generally very good and there are numerous taxis available. Insist your driver uses the meter however, as Shenzhen drivers are famous for ripping off their passengers!

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Shenzhen Fairy Lake Botanical Garden

“The phoenixes dwelled in Wutong Mountain, and the fairies played in the pool of the Heaven”. Wutong Mountain with cloud and mist surround year round, giving it a blurred and unreal appearance, topping “Xin’an’s Eight Scenic Spots” in ancient times, densely wooded and with winding streams, is the highest peak in Shenzhen. It is among such a wonderful mountain that Shenzhen Fairy Lake Botanical Garden is located.

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China Folk Culture Villages

Situated by the picturesque Shenzhen Bay and adjacent to “Splendid China”, the village is a museum of China’s 55 ethnic groups with their distinctive architecture, customs and exotic flavor. Twenty-four life-size ethnic villages present various ethnic flavors from Beijing’s courtyards and wooden archway to spectacular buildings of the Miao, Dong, Yao, Jingpo ethnic groups. From the wooded Banyans in Xishuangbanna to slender Suzhou bridges and mystery Lijiang houses, you can get a general idea about China’s ethnic groups in just half a day.

Spectacular rocks and gushing waterfalls enhance the scenery. Visitors can participate in ethnic festive carnivals, observe the grandiose parade and taste ethnic delicacies as well.

Admission Fee: RMB 90
Opening Hours: 08:00 to 16:50
Recommended
Time for a Visit: Two hours

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Windows of the World (WoW)

The entrance fee is 120 RMB in cash. Credit cards not accepted. WoW is a pretty big theme park with miniature-sized replicas of several buildings from all over the world. Most buildings are shrunk 1:15 and they are grouped by continents. It will take you several hours (one whole day) to enjoy all the buildings. If you are a brisk walker, it is possible to see them all and take pictures in around four hours. There is a huge replica of Eiffel Tower in the center. For 20 RMB, you can buy a ride to its top. The views are breathtaking. There are a few rides at some of the places.

There is marvelous show in the evening at the huge open air theatre just in front of the main entrance. The show is roughly two hours long and is followed by a display of fireworks. Hundreds of dancers perform in a sequence of episodes threaded together highlighting some theme. The show is on a grand scale. The theatre has two kinds of seats: close to the stage, and far away from the stage. The show is free. However, to be able to sit close to the stage, one has to pick up a “ticket” from a certain counter inside the park. The catch is that this counter opens only at a certain hour and tickets vanish within half an hour. So plan your tour such that you’re close to this counter when tickets become available.

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Origin of Shenzhen’s Name

Local people call the drains in paddy fields ‘zhen’ or ‘chong’. The name ‘Shenzhen’ means ‘deep drains’, because this is an area crisscrossed with rivers and rivulets, and there are deep drains in paddy fields. Shenzhen became a township at the beginning of the Qing Dynasty.

The one-time fishing village of Shenzhen, singled-out by late Chinese paramount leader Deng Xiaoping, is a so-called one of the Special Economic Zones (SEZ) in China originally established in 1978 in competition with Hong Kong, then a British colony.

Shenzhen, formerly known as ‘Bao’an County’, was promoted to prefecture level, directly governed by the Guangdong province in November 1979. In May 1980, Shenzhen was formally nominated as a ’special economic zone’, the first one of its kind in China. It was given the right of provincial-level economic administration in November 1988.

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